Dear readers, since so many of you seem to come here to my blog because of a PostSecret post that I wrote all the way back in June, I thought I would post one more about this card that I saw this week:
Family estrangement is complicated. Most of the stories that I’ve heard about it, estrangement frequently starts with an argument over money. Sometimes it’s a disagreement of beliefs between old and new (i.e., relations-in-law) family members. Most of the time, the catalyst seems like a petty matter but is really a symptom of a larger conflict or a personal internal conflict.
A few years ago, I could not comprehend it. What’s the point? What could make someone so angry that they would never want to speak to a family member again? But the more I talk to people who have estrangement stories, the more I can understand why sometimes some people do feel better being estranged than in touch.
The problem is that life is short. So many people who become estranged from parents, grandparents, children, etc. are happy to be estranged – until that person dies. The conflict, which was once so powerful, had lost its power and feelings towards the person may have softened. But because of so many years gone by, and too many fears coming up about being the first one to approach the other to make amends, it is not resolved. The person remaining regrets not being able to say goodbye, I’m sorry, I love you, in person.
Right does not equal happy. You can choose right or happy, but not both. Right does not get you back to love. So, what do you choose?